I Speak Foxye

The Horror of the Mammogram 

It was 2013 when I had my first mammogram. I was told to get another one done when I turned 40, which was four years later. Here it is 2021 and I’m just getting around to my next mammogram. If you have ever heard that it hurts to have your breast squeezed between two plates, it was true. Not only that, but it’s freezing in the room. 

My mammogram results came back that the right breast was larger than the left, a change when compared to the previous images. More testing was necessary and I was scheduled for a diagnostic mammogram. During this exam, I had pictures taken of the area they were concerned about. It is an area close to the chest wall. So, there was some serious squeezing to get in the picture the tissue closest to the chest wall. Now, I wait in the cold room while the tech takes the images to the radiologist to read. Then I will know if we have to progress to an ultrasound of the breast or not.

Controlling my thoughts is difficult. It seems like a constant battle between positive and negative energy. Although I know this is not the way I transition from this life, the whole situation still brings up memories of my aunt who had breast cancer. It brings up memories of other tragedies that I have dealt with. Seems as though in the short time it took for her to visit with the radiologist I had revisited my whole life’s experiences. 

She reentered the room with a card and a plastic folder. With her hospital mask in place, I cannot read her nonverbal facial expressions. I wait for her to speak. She starts off with telling me the doctor looked at the images and… I forced myself to not dissociate from my body as I had learned in my childhood traumas. I had to feel this experience to continue my healing journey. She relayed that the shadow they saw was overlapping tissue and nothing to worry about. I thanked her as she escorted me to the dressing room.

While in a state of survival from the many tragedies of my life, I had often put off caring for myself. This is a reminder of the necessity to complete screening exams so the options and outcomes are better than if an issue is found in its late stages. It’s time to heal emotionally, spiritually, mentally, and physically. Let’s make a commitment to loving and caring for ourselves as we often do for others.

FOXYE

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